I've been cutting for seven years now. I don't feel like I have a choice. It's not really emotional for me, it's just something I have to do and think about until I do it. People think (deans and psychologists at my college) that I should do it more inconspicuously, but I have to do it where I think about doing it--like I had to cut my wrists and I couldn't cut anywhere else because that wouldn't have eliminated the thought for me. I also have frequent thoughts of suicide, with no intent--when I talk about this, my suicidality is not distinguished from my self-injury--how can I explain they are different things? And how can I explain that it is a compulsion? I've tried to say this many times, but I keep getting lectured on the standards of a community, and am told basically flat-out to stop it--which I can't. So yes, if anyone could help me explain my self-injury that would be appreciated. Also any medical advice? Kind of therapist/type of medications good for this?
Well, I know exactly what you are saying, and I wish I could actually put into words for you what you are trying to get out. The best thing I could say to do would be to go to and read some of the information they have posted. Your own self harm may make more sense once you understand it better. The coping page is very good, I got most of my ideas from there.
Basicly, you don't want to die. You want to live. The only way you can live is by coping with your pain. Since you have been participating in self harm for so long you don't know any other way to cope than to hurt yourself. You haven't said whether you want to stop or not, only that you can't stop. People tend to group the two together because they assume that to do either you must be depressed and therefor the two must be related. People lecturing you and telling you to stop isn't going to do anything. To stop YOU have to want to stop. If you can get up the courage to go to a therapist they may be able to have you evaluated and see if there is a medication of any kind which could cut down on feelings that make you want to cut, but this won't stop them alltogether. It is going to take work on your part to stop this. You may want to consider seeing a therapist, or finding another way to cope with this. Or both.
There is so much more to say but I don't know how to say it! I wish you the best of luck getting through this. If you do have to cut make sure you use clean blades and wash out the cut, etc.
Hi everyone,
For a while I did self-injury research and have been published in the area.
Here is an article I wrote about what it is like to be a person who engages in self-injury.
http://taradeliberto.blogspot.com/
Go see any psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor that is available. They'll most likely be able to get you started on the path to recovery and if they're legitimate, they'll realize that it IS a compulsion/disease, not just a random hobby you picked out of boredom. Also disregard people who encourage you to continue cutting "inconspicuously" because they obviously don't have your best interests in mind.
This may or may not help:
It is at least someone to talk to who would understand your situation.
self-injury becomes an ADDICTION after a time, which DIFFERS from suicidal ideation (aka thinking about suicide) because THOUGHT and ADDICTION are two VERY different things.
God, people should *get* things like that.
Usually, any therapist is good. Look aorund, try a different few out until you find someone you can work with well.
Best of luck, hun.
First, whoever is trying to convince you to cut "inconspicuously" probably does not truly understand the severity of the problem. Cutting is difficult to stop, but is also very dangerous. Try to reduce your cutting. I once saw a person who intended to cut "as normal" bleed to death from such severe cutting. Have you tried any alternative coping skills? Some other methods may be drawing on yourself with red marker or rubbing ice where you would cut to numb instead of cutting. My opinion is to see a therapist or mental health practitioner to discuss your thoughts and explore alternative coping methods.
My daughter had this going on in her life, until we got her treated.
First step though darlin' as with any addiction, or compulsion is
"IT HAS TO BE FOR YOU" you have to want the help. because if you think you're doing it for anyone else, you wont "own the results" you'll feel like you sold out and appeased society".
So if you yourself want answers... here's what I found...
and for her we had to start the recovery process w/ a one week stay at a Mental health hospital for her own protection. + Anti-depressants (zoloft, Effexor, Lexapro, she tried many until we found the right med. for her) She was started out on low dose and brought up to 75 mg. which still isnt a lot, but she no longer has the self injury urge. Counseling... Important to get a good solid diagnosis from a Psycyatrist, who is also the best person to monitor and prescribe the meds. Then you set up appointments for on going counseling with a PHD (psycologist) They say you should give the Doctor three visits/chances to see if it's a good fit or not. But in our case, we couldnt make it past the first appt. w/ a couple of them. Eventually you find someone that is a good fit, like my daughter did, where she was able to unbury a repressed childhood memory of granfather molestation. Trust me if he was'nt already dead...
But I cannot tell you what a weight was lifted from her, she even walks w/ a little pep in her step now as she's free from that deep seeded burden.
The combination of realizing that herself destructive behavior was no longer the life she wanted to live, getting on the anti- depressant and counceling, getting rid of bad influence friends, and making new friends that were possitive forces with similar life goals, creating new hobbies, getting focused on her career path, and I knew that there was the potential for her to slip back into her old ways, so we "sanitized"(removed all sharp objects, pills etc.) not only her room but in the early weeks the entire house. I wanted to give her a fresh start so we made over her room, with a new look for her new lease on life. This really is'nt about the standards of a community, this is about you getting to the bottom of what ever it is that's eating you, and taking your life back. and for the record, a community is a group of people, people who are human beings,in my opinion, 99.9% of all human beings have something they coulself injury helpd work on about themselves, because not one of us is perfect. I would prefer that the community held out an unconditional hand of help instead of judgement. Listen if you dont have a support system (unlike judges and bosses) just go to the E.R. and say these simple liberating words... hello my name is _______, I'm suicidal, and I need help. They are trained to and do deal with this more often that you think, they can help you. Feel free to e-mail me if you need someone to talk to. Take care...
Don't listen to these people - you are not in control. You want to stop, you wish you didn't want to cut, but you do. Now that it's been 7 years, you are deep into the habit and need serious help.
You should try to find a CBT program - cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a combination of counseling, perhaps medication, but most importantly, retraining the body to deal with anxiety and depression. You learn new coping skills and learn to replace the desire to cut with the desire to do something that benefits the body.
It's a tough process, as you sit with someone when you have the urge to cut and they don't let you . . .but it's worth it. If you really want to stop, try it.
say the cutting is a habit u cant break like biting your nails or sucking your thumb
You don't want to stop. That is why you don't stop. It is something that you can control and until you figure out why you don't want to stop and change that, you won't stop. Cover up your injuries, jeez! That way you won't get lectures unless you are looking for attention.
You meantion that you are in college. You should be able to get free counselling with a psychologist on campus. Most schools have this sort of thing for their students. Look into a visit at the student counselling centre. Your psychologist will probably be familiar with this sort of habit and will be able to guide you through different coping mechanisms and help you figure out why you don't want to stop. If you find the counselling doesn't help, then try medication. Always leave medication as a last resort as the side effects are terrible! About 6 weeks of cognitive behavioural therapy is just as effective as antidepressant medications against mild to moderate depression and anxiety.
Growing up and accepting your responsibilities as an adult also works wonders for this type of behavour. Have a try.
While self-harm is not usually suicidal behavior, it should still be taken seriously. As with other kinds of addictive behaviors, you cannot simply tell someone to stop and expect her or him to comply. A professional therapist is usually needed to assist in overcoming self-injurious behavior.
Self-injury (SI) – also known as self-harm or self-mutilation – is defined as any intentional injury to one's own body. It usually either leaves marks or causes tissue damage. It is hard for most people to understand why someone would want to cut or burn himself/herself). The mere idea of intentionally inflicting wounds to oneself makes people cringe. Yet there are growing numbers of young people who do intentionally hurt themselves. Understanding the phenomenon is the first step in changing it.
Who engages in self-injury?
There is no simple portrait of a person who intentionally injures him/herself. This behavior is not limited by gender, race, education, age, sexual orientation, socio-economics, or religion. However, there are some commonly seen factors:
Self-injury more commonly occurs in adolescent females.
Many self-injurers have a history of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
Many self-injurers have co-existing problems of substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive disorder (or compulsive alone), or eating disorders.
Self-injuring individuals were often raised in families that discouraged expression of anger, and tend to lack skills to express their emotions.
Self-injurers often lack a good social support network.
What are the types of self-injury?
The most common ways that people self-injure are:
cutting
burning (or “branding” with hot objects)
picking at skin or re-opening wounds
hair-pulling (trichotillomania)
hitting (with hammer or other object)
bone-breaking
head-banging (more often seen in autistic, severely retarded or psychotic people)
multiple piercing or multiple tattooing
Throughout history, various cultures have intentionally created marks on the body for cultural or religious purposes. Some adolescents, especially if they are with a group engaging in such practices, may see this as a ritual or rite of passage into the group. However, beyond a first experiment in such behavior, continued bodily harm is self-abusive. Most self-injuring adolescents act alone, not in groups, and hide their behavior. There are also some more extreme types of self-mutilation, such as castration or amputation, which are rare and are associated with psychosis.
How does self-injury become addictive?
A person who becomes a habitual self-injurer usually follows a common progression:
the first incident may occur by accident, or after seeing or hearing of others who engage in self-injury
the person has strong feelings such as anger, fear, anxiety, or dread before an injuring event
these feelings build, and the person has no way to express or address them directly
cutting or other self-injury provides a sense of relief, a release of the mounting tension
a feeling of guilt and shame usually follows the event
the person hides the tools used to injure, and covers up the evidence, often by wearing long sleeves
the next time a similar strong feeling arises, the person has been “conditioned” to seek relief in the same way
the feelings of shame paradoxically lead to continued self-injurious behavior
the person feels compelled to repeat self-harm, which is likely to increase in frequency and degree
Why do people engage in self-injury?
Even though there is the possibility that a self-inflicted injury may result in life-threatening damage, self injury is not suicidal behavior. Although the person may not recognize the connection, SI usually occurs when facing what seems like overwhelming or distressing feelings. The reasons self-injurers give for this behavior vary:
self-injury temporarily relieves intense feelings, pressure or anxiety
self-injury provides a sense of being real, being alive – of feeling something
injuring oneself is a way to externalize emotional internal pain – to feel pain on the outside instead of the inside
self-injury is a way to control and manage pain – unlike the pain experienced through physical or sexual abuse
self-injury is a way to break emotional numbself injury helpness (the self-anesthesia that allows someone to cut without feeling pain)
self-abuse is self-soothing behavior for someone who does not have other means to calm intense emotions
self-loathing – some self-injurers are punishing themselves for having strong feelings (which they were usually not allowed to express as children), or for a sense that somehow they are bad and undeserving (an outgrowth of abuse and a belief that it was deserved)
self-injury followed by tending to wounds is a way to express self-care, to be self-nurturing, for someone who never learned how to do that in a more direct way
harming oneself can be a way to draw attention to the need for help, to ask for assistance in an indirect way
sometimes self-injury is an attempt to affect others – to manipulate them, make them feel guilty or bad, make them care, or make them go away
What is the relationship between self-injury and suicide?
Self-injury is not suicidal behavior. In fact, it may be a way to reduce the tension that, left unattended, could result in an actual suicide attempt. Self-injury is the best way the individual knows to self-sooth. It may represent the best attempt the person has at creating the least damage. However, self-injury is highly linked to poor sense of self-worth, and over time, that depressed feeling can evolve into suicidal attempts. And sometimes self-harm may accidentally go farther than intended, and a life-threatening injury may result.
What can you do to help a friend or family member who is a self-injurer?
It is very hard to realize that someone you care about is physically harming herself or himself. Your concern may come out in frustration and even comments that can drive the person farther away. Some things that might be helpful are:
understand that self-harming behavior is an attempt to maintain a certain amount of control, and that it is a way of self-soothing
let her or him know that you care and that you will listen
encourage expression of emotions, including anger
spend time doing enjoyable activities together
offer to help find a therapist or support group
do not tell the person to stop the behavior or make judgmental comments – people who feel worthless and powerless are even more likely to self-injure
if you are the parent of a self-injuring child, prepare yourself to address your family’s difficulties with expression of feelings, as this is a common factor in self-injury – this is not about blame, but about a learning process that will help the entire family
How can a self-injuring person stop this behavior?
Self-injury is a behavior that becomes compulsive and addictive. Like any other addiction, even though other people think the person should stop, most addicts have a hard time just saying no to their behavior – even while realizing it is unhealthy.
There are several things to do to help yourself:
acknowledge that this IS a problem, that you are hurting on the inside, and that you need professional assistance to stop injuring yourself.
realize that this is not about being bad or stupid – this is about recognizing that a behavior that somehow was helping you handle your feelings has become as big a problem as the one it was trying to solve in the first place.
find one person you trust – maybe a friend, teacher, minister, counselor, or relative – and say that you need to talk about something serious that is bothering you.
get help in identifying what “triggers” your self-harming behaviors and ask for help in developing ways to either avoid or address those triggers
recognize that self-injury is an attempt to self-sooth, and that you need to develop other, better ways to calm and sooth yourself
try some substitute activities when you feel like hurting yourself – there are some examples here, and many more that can be found online (links are provided below):
if cutting is a way to deal with anger that you cannot express openly, try taking those feelings out on something else – running, dancing fast, screaming, punching a pillow, throwing something, ripping something apart
if cutting is a way to feel something when you feel numb inside, try holding ice or a package of frozen food, taking a very hot or very cold shower, chewing something with a very strong taste (like chili peppers, raw ginger root, or a grapefruit peel), or snapping a rubber band hard on your wrist
if cutting is a way to calm yourself, try taking a bubble bath, doing deep breathing, writing in a journal, drawing, or doing some yoga
if cutting involves your having to see blood, try drawing a red ink line where you would usually cut yourself, in combination with other suggestions above
How is self-injury treated?
One danger connected with self-injury is that it tends to become an addictive behavior, a habit that is difficult to break even when the individual wants to stop. As with other addictions, qualified professional help us almost always necessary. It is important to find a therapist who understands this behavior and is not upset or repulsed by it. Some of the references & resources below offer links for referrals to therapists experienced with self-injury.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy may be used to help the person learn to recognize and address triggering feelings in healthier ways.
Because a history of abuse or incest may be at the core of an individual’s self-injuring behavior, post-traumatic stress therapies may be helpful.
Interpersonal therapy is also the main treatment for the underlying issues of low self-worth that allowed this behavior to develop.
Hypnosis or other self-relaxation techniques are helpful in reducing the stress and tension that often precede injuring incidents.
Group therapy may be helpful in decreasing the shame associated with self-harm, and in supporting healthy expression of emotions.
Family therapy may be useful, both in addressing any history of family stress related to the behavior, and also in helping family members learn to communicate more directly and non-judgmentally with each other.
In some situations, an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication may be used to reduce the initial impulsive response to stress, while other coping strategies are developed.
A recent treatment involves an in-patient hospitalization program, with a multi-disciplinary team approach.
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